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• ↓ Burnham Persuades Trump to Buy Half of Manchester
• ↓ The House of Lords’ Moves to a Caravan Park
• ↓ Burnham Rebalance Britain: The Prime Minister Standing in the Middle, Holding Both Ends
• ↓ Burnham End London-Centric Politics Pledge Delivered, Naturally, From a Lectern in London
• ↓ London Escorts Group Launches Premium Service
• ↓ Divorced Women: Most Fought-Over Demographic
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"Trump Persuaded to Buy Half of Manchester, but Burnham Will Keep the Soccer Clubs New Prime Minister Offers US President City-Centre Property, Two Tram Lines and Complimentary Access to the Northern Powerhouse Brochure By Lowri Griffiths | Manchester Here's the satire, with Manchester treated as a distressed luxury asset and its football clubs hidden beneath a constitutional tea towel. ⚽🏗️🇺🇸 Burnham Persuades Trump to Purchase Half of Manchester MANCHESTER, ENGLAND — Prime Minister Andy Burnham has persuaded US President Donald Trump to purchase half of Manchester after their first official telephone conversation unexpectedly developed from international diplomacy into what Downing Street described as "a highly constructive commercial property viewing." Burnham invited Trump to visit Manchester while emphasising Britain's commitments to defence, security and the transatlantic relationship. Reports of the conversation indicate that football, energy and international security were among the subjects discussed, with Burnham hoping to show the president "what Manchester has to offer." [caption id="attachment_43272" align="alignright" width="300"] Burnham sells half of Manchester. Trump keeps the gold trams and casinos.[/caption] Unfortunately, nobody explained that particular phrase to Trump before he contacted three banks, two architects and a man named Vinnie who specialises in removing listed-building protections. "I like Manchester," Trump reportedly told advisers. "Terrific city. Tremendous rain. Very wet, possibly the wettest city anybody has ever seen. Andy offered to show it…"

"Aristocratic Redistribution: The House of Lords' Second Home Moves to a Caravan Park in Southport Prat.uk Political Desk In the small print of the redistribution package, peers who already relocated to the retail park's garden-furniture department will be issued a second, ceremonial residence at a caravan park in Southport, described by officials as "levelling up, but with a chemical toilet." Each peer will receive a static caravan named after their title — "Lord Ashworth of Pitch 14" has a certain ring to it, even the College of Arms concedes — and full use of the site's crazy golf course, which will now double as the upper chamber's informal whipping operation. Ermine robes will be reissued as slightly thicker fleeces, on the grounds that the House of Lords has always been, at heart, a very well-upholstered form of camping. The Southport site's tea room has already been renamed The Second Reading, and reports the Thursday quiz night is, unusually for Parliament, both quorate and fun. The House of Lords Southport Caravan Scheme, By the Numbers According to briefings circulating among staff at the official Parliament website, the House of Lords has faced sustained pressure for decades over cost, size and relevance, with successive reform proposals stalling somewhere between a green paper and a very long lunch. The Southport relocation is, officials insist,…"

Key Topics & Focus Areas for prat.uk:

Burnham Persuades Trump to Buy Half of Manchester

The House of Lords’ Moves to a Caravan Park

Burnham Rebalance Britain: The Prime Minister Standing in the Middle, Holding Both Ends

Burnham End London-Centric Politics Pledge Delivered, Naturally, From a Lectern in London

London Escorts Group Launches Premium Service

Divorced Women: Most Fought-Over Demographic